Mischievous Tactics Engineers Use to Evade Their Product Owner
Navigating the dynamic and sometimes fraught relationships between engineers and product owners can be as intricate as solving a Rubik's cube while blindfolded. It's a delicate dance, one that involves understanding, respect, and a sprinkle of playful trickery. Engineers, known for their problem-solving prowess and technical acuity, often employ a variety of creative tactics to evade the occasional wrath of their product owners. In this post we explore ten of these imaginative, slightly mischievous strategies. But remember, they are portrayed with a healthy dose of humor and are by no means an endorsed. After all, at the heart of every successful project lies open and honest communication.
- The Frozen Dev:
Like a chameleon in a coder's den, engineers have learned the art of blending into their environment. When the scent of a product owner wafts into stand-up, engineers masterfully merge with their surroundings. The key to this technique is, when you're looking for some downtime in any ceremony that's on video chat, just stay absolutely still for an extended period of time. Maybe even close your eyes and stay still. Then just blame connectivity issues. However, remember to not doing this too often. After all, you don't want to be a target of your product owner.
- Decoy Headphones:
Headphones, the quintessential accessory of the modern engineer, are not just tools for enjoying a Spotify playlist. They transform into fortress walls when product owners approach with probing questions. Like a suit of armor, they protect the engineer, radiating a clear 'do not disturb' aura. Of course, this only works in the office, but a silent headphone is just as effective as a blaring one. But don't forget, ignoring a genuine call for collaboration could lead to miscommunication and roadblocks down the line!
- You're on Mute:
You can hear it from the hilltops of all remote workers around, "You're on Mute". Like many of us with a corporate laptop, sometimes you just can't find the unmute button due to copious install/update/message notifications blocking your cursor so you can take your turn to speak. Let this work to your advantage by forming a group of devious devs to constantly ping your PO so they can't hit their unmute button, and proceeed with your own meeting agenda.
- Jargon Jamming:
Engineers have a lexicon filled with terms that might as well be hieroglyphs to the uninitiated. When confronted by a product owner, they are known to unleash a flurry of techno-jargon, making them seem incredibly busy and crucially engaged. Docker, Kubernetes, or Kafka could form part of a confusing monologue that gently encourages the product owner to retreat. Yet, it's essential not to create a scenario where actual explanations are dismissed as jargon-filled rambles. You don't what to become "that engineer" who can't explain simple tech to wide stakeholders.
- Optimistic Overdrive:
Engineers can be eternal optimists, especially when under pressure. A product owner demanding a progress update will be met with an unwavering smile and the assurance that the solution is 'just around the corner'. The corner, in this case, could be as close as the next coffee break or as far as the edge of the observable universe. Optimism, while infectious and morale-boosting, should be tempered with realism. An optimistic lie now can lead to a pessimistic truth later.
- Computer Says No:
Ah, the classic computer update, that mystical ritual that requires engineers to bow to the tech gods and hope for the best. When a product owner's thundercloud looms, engineers can deploy the "Computer Update" card. With an air of practiced urgency, they can blame "critical system updates" for needing a moment to reboot. It's like trying to reboot the Millennium Falcon mid-flight. Just remember to throw in some "Ctrl+Alt+Del" hand gestures for that extra touch of authenticity.
- Cryptic Code Deflection:
When all else fails, engineers turn to their beloved lines of code. A complex snippet showcased on the screen can easily impress or confuse a non-technical product owner. Who can tell if it's just a fancy rendition of 'Hello, World!' or the next Google algorithm? While this ruse can work occasionally, it's worth noting that honest demonstration of work progress will always outshine cryptic distractions.
- Slack Evasion:
The digital equivalent of 'the dog ate my homework', the overlooked slack message or missed email excuse is an age-old defense. Engineers may attribute the missed message to the dreaded 'spam folder' or a notification lost in a sea of endless threads. This tactic buys time but remember, overuse might lead your product owner to start questioning your management skills or even your commitment. It should also be noted that if your tickets were updated accordingly this wouldn't even be an issue!
- The "Working from Home" Whopper:
The rise of remote work has given birth to a new tactic - the sudden internet outage. On days when heatmaps are red, and dashboards look grim, engineers might suffer a convenient connectivity loss. Their earnest messages about trying to reconnect only fuel the impression of them as victims of cruel technology. However, a miraculous internet resurrection after the storm has passed might raise eyebrows and suspicions.
- The Agile Illusionist:
Finally, enter the realm of the "Agile Illusionist"! When a late delivery looms, engineers embrace their inner magician. "Late again? Ah, scope creep strikes!" With a knowing smile, they plant a seed of doubt – isn't scope creep to blame? But here's the twist: they unravel the illusion by explaining that true Agile isn't about product delivery schedules. It's a spotlight on how sticking to the plan is the real magic. This act turns product owner insecurities into a quest for precision.
While these tactics can bring a touch of humor to the workplace, they're no substitute for transparency and open communication. After all, behind every successful project is a harmonious collaboration between engineers and product owners. So, go forth and dodge artfully but responsibly!